Winner
You must be the guy from corporate. First time we've had to report a lost time accident from a brain storming session. by Randy JohnsonHonorable Mentions
"Do you think as the site Safety Leader you are setting a good example?" by Frank Fox
"Frankly, I don't believe it was only a paper jam!" by Barry Jones
"Let me get this straight. The guys in IT stampeded when you showed off your Apple Watch?" by Matt McNally
"Don't worry Jackson. I'm sure, with some clever wording, we can craft this as a non-recordable." by Bobby Caroll
"Sorry we just completed our 300 days without accidents. Come another day." by Remy Dumortier
Other Submissions
"No can do. . . if I let you in we will have to change the days without an accident board to ZERO." by Julie Hawk
"I am sorry my friend, this office receives complaints only on Monday!" by Jesus Velazquez
"You missed a spot." by Dale Stout
"Let me hazard a guess..." by Dale Stout
"We only issue metal armor to those workers facing hazardous conditions!" by Marvin Sager
"...but I had my safety glasses on!" by John Ostrander
"Just because the Doctor is single and attractive does not justify falling down the stairs three time in a week!" by Robert Dotson
"Explain to me again how this hap[pened at your desk..." by Robert Dotson
"Late again, Johnson?!" by Joseph Bedson
"Looks like the "Weekend Warrior" thing is just not working for you...." by Orlando Rainey
"Who must be here for the first aid test patient?" by Martin Czebotar
"That's why at intersections the rule is "give priority to the right"!" by Gianluca Premoli
"Do you think maybe next time you'll remember - Green means 'Start'; Red means 'Stop'?" by Mocheal McFadden
"We warned you not to ask for a raise again!" by Al Conn
"Did you take training classes before starting on the work? Yes, I did take the Computer Based Training Classes!!!" by Nidhi Jacob
"...and the award for best performance by an accident prone idiot goes to..." by Joseph Bedson
"Are you the "after" photo model?" by Joseph Bedson
"Imagine what would have happened without a saftey department." by Bob Taggart
"The fact that you have a string attached to your head to prevent further falls is not sufficient to let you go back to work!" by Syd Furrow
"Listen! Stop going Nuts! You don't have to lose everything - just put stoppers in the flasks - and by the way, how come the black liquid doesn't also levitate?" by Syd Furrow
"Your health is not a safety issue." by Stephen Woessner
"And that's what an OSHA looks and feels like, any other questions....?" by Ben Puhl
"No Ennis, you may not enter; that is my it's call the Safety Dept." by Mike Dosch
"Now at least let us protect what's in good shape!" by Suresh Nama
"Think before did and that will makes you safe and healthy." by Khalid Hussain
"How were you able to do this to yourself ~~on your way to the Safety Meeting ?!" by John Hermes
"I told you so! *pointing to a hundreds-pages of safety-rules handout*" by Eka Khrisnawati
"I bet you don't skip the next safety rally!" by Stephen Lanham
"Have you ever considered a transfer from the Safety Department to one less hazardous?" by Stanley Herzog
"Cheers. Refresh and retrain to avoid accidents" by Rajendra Khimesra
"You seem to be the only right person for the job, you know what's not to do." by Vijay Sane
"Know safety, no accidents; Ignore safety, invite accidents." by Edward Tokarski
"Tell me again what parts of the Chemical Handling Permit & MSDS you thought were just suggestions, one more time!" by Joseph Casey
"I'm sorry, workman's com. does not cover an accident while making a lunch run with the unauthorized use of a forklift." by John Martin
"See what happens when you try to recreate the accident. You’re lucky you were in the simulator." by Tom Workman
"You were warned about running with scissors, Jerry." by George Lavoie
"Didn't your mother ever tell you....blah blah blah blah blah." by Mike Kolf
"Dave ... you are too late." by Michael T Green
"Bob, Obviously, you are not very risk adverse!" by George Hudak
"Bob, As the Department Manager you need to set a better example!" by George Hudak
"Now let's begin at the very beginning -- ABC - Always Be Careful!" by Suresh Nama
"Does it clarify now that safety instructions are for following???" by Suresh Nama
"And you say this injury happened how many years ago?" by Frank Shuman
"Just because you got hurt doesn't make you a safety expert." by Jeff Cortez
"You must be here for the first aid test patient?" by Martin Czebotar
"Due to budget cuts, the Safety Department is closed." by Jaime Eigner
"I think your presentation on "Don't Do This If You Want To Keep Safe" was a hit! Can you do it again next week?" by Rob Janoschek
"Next time you tell your wife you came to the plant to work don't let her catch you in the bar!" by Felipe Luna
"Really, on your first day with the safety committee!!!" by John Opiola
"Sorry Dan. We just completed Case Management training and 28 stitches isn't a recordable injury any more." by Alex Perkins
"I don't care that it happened at home! You're not allowed back to work until after tomorrow's safety audit." by Christophe Nielsen
"Mr. Doe, we've done all we could do for now." by Donna Banks
"Did you Learn any lessons?" by Reed Robbins
"I understand, but you without something to be concerned with, there isn't much we can do for you.." by John Baumgartner
"Yeah, I used to instruct the on-the-road part of our driver education classes too. I still limp a bit." by Bob Michel
"Please leave your cane here as you return to your work station; It just doesn't look good for an employee to need a cane after a work related accident. And yes, 'Thank-You' for returning today that way we did not incur an Loss Time Incident." by Mike Ganger
"You're so smart to have worn your safety glasses." by Jim Drummond
"This is why I kept waking you up during safety training." by Jim Nicholson
"Bob, now be honest with me. Are your coworkers trying to harm you?" "No sir, I REALLY am THAT clumsy." by Joe Mrnka
"The annual fitness tests are not that bad....ergonomics....practice ergonomics." by Gilbert Salinas
"You know, safety is more than just a company slogan." by Mary Mantoan
"Did anyone capture that on video?" by Bryan Smtih
"I don't know who told you that. We are definitely not conducting human trials on a wireless safety harness." by Bill Morrison
"Incredible !!! So safety in-compliant and still alive !" by Shaukat Ali
"All of this for a paper cut?!" by Thomas Wilson
"OK, one more time before you go in. This happened at home, right?" by Larry Shade
"The annual fitness tests are not that bad....ergonomics....practice ergonomics" by Gilbert Salinas